He gave us perspective when all of us were focused on hustling for demo day and raising our seed round. He reminded us that amid the hustle, there’s more to life than your startup. Thank you.
I have five, and they are amazing. Youngest is 9 months.
We have an old car goiong to the scrapyard in a couple of weeks, and today I sat in the passenger seat of it as my 13 yr old grandaughter drove it around one of our fields getting more and more confident as I encouraged her to stop, put it in reverse, and drive in the opposite direction.
From "this is too difficult" to "I want to be a rally driver" in a few dozen gear changes.
Memories like this are some of the luxuries of life. For her, for me, for her parents, and her siblings watching.
Bad luck. I can't regret much, since I've done as much as I could, as early as I could, to steer off it, and I still faced the same result. Would I have committed suicide at 16 if I had known the future? No, because I didn't know at the time how much my suffering was caused by actions of others. The right thing would have probably been to kill everyone in high school if I knew how people were speaking about me.
But coming back to your story of life (ignoring the last sentence) : it's not too late to find love and also: try knowing and loving yourself, being content a bit more. When that succeeds, it is more easy to find love.
You can buy personal training services, workout gear, a home in traffic-calmed neighborhoods where you aren't jogging or cycling along rural highways, a pool, etc.
You can buy fresh fruit and vegetables instead of highly-processed food. If you're American you can buy imported or certified organic meat instead of the hormone-filled shit on the shelves at grocery stores. You can spend less time working and more time cooking healthy, with no pressure to eat fast food because you're in a rush.
Money really does buy happiness.
But then again, the list of things that statistically keeps you healthy while being expensive is actually very short (GLP-1s currently being the most notable item on it).
Supposedly this is going to change in the near to mid future with more wonder drugs incoming. But, for the time being, that's nice!
If you're not wealthy you can do them, but you have to sacrifice other things, and some of those you wont be able to afford.
I accompanied a family member in an ambulance recently and I had the ambulance rerouted to a private clinic. They needed a €25k payment guarantee but we were able to go into surgery within a day.
It's incredible.
But to just play your favorite songs to your family? You surely have woken up to a song you remembered or have been listening and played it out loud?
If you haven't, do it! Your family will love to see you sing, dance, react to it!
You learn from each other in unexpected ways.
We like vinyl just because it has the physicality to it but I think anything here is fine. It's the music and the shared experience.
i used to argue a lot with my parents when i was still living with them, but ever since i moved out and we only see each other once every few months, our relationship has improved so much, and we're always happy to see each other in smaller doses
Many parents would gasp at this sentence, but the same parents would likely complain to anyone who'd listen about how negatively their children are affecting their lives.
Its interesting that people value their relationship with their children so much and I assume its due to a deep sense of connection with them, they being "flesh and blood" but I've never given that any weight. I feel much more connected to people who have had similar life experiences and ideas to myself, and that could be anyone. I have quite a few relatives who I've never met or met once and do not see because they are nothing like me.
I suspect this is mostly due to being pretty far out on the pointy bits of various bell curves.
Being able to feel that love directly is, of course, a different story that's probably indeed pretty unique.
this is the most cringe, pick me, "look how I'm not like the other girls" thing I've ever read on this forum
I had a a good relationship with mine growing up, and enjoyed visiting, talking and so on as I was an adult.
A good friend had it different. They were not good parents. He, much like you, visit out of obligation and not to get written out of the will quite frankly. If it was up to him he'd never see them again.
Has anyone experimented with actively making more complex memories to make time pass slower? Seems like the best approach to living longer, at least in experience.
Neuroscience says novelty, plus attention, plus later retrieval are what slow down subjective perception of time.
So make sure you are having novel experiences, pay attention while you're having them, and recall them again later.
Even small things like going to a park you don't normally go to, and noticing the foliage and sounds can help. Big things like travel helps as well if you make sure you're taking it in, and it you recall the trip again later.
That’s in contrast to where I normally live, which is southern California where you basically just go between Summer and Winter Lite which does seem to make the time pass quicker and lead to more routine living. I’ve often speculated with my friends around here about how there is a “Paradise Effect” of living here with both how people live their lives, as well as with how we perceive time.
It all seems quite logical to me. There's no negotiating with the passage of time.
I remember feeling like the days passed painfully slowly, but the years flew by.
As for how it feels at the time. There's a lot of truth in the sayings "time flies when you're having fun" and "a watched pot never boils".
It's a paradox.
Time will hit the breaks, hard.
With effort, the effect can persist. But you have to be willing to make changes.
The real luxury, for any age, in general, is in not having dependencies and needs. The need to impress someone, the need to know every ugly news from around globe, the need to read everything and be knowledgeable, need to stay connected, need to be smart, the need to travel and see places, need to taste foods from around the world, need to have many friends, need to be loved by someone, and need to have more money and things.
Those are dependencies that make you weak. Lack of those means you won't be happy. Luxury is being happy without having any of those.
Fewer. Everyone will always have some dependencies and needs.
Personally, I pity anyone who sees a desire to be loved as a weakness. That’s quite literally a lesson taught as a trope about being a good person vs an evil one.
It has absolutely nothing to do with being "strong" versus "weak".
Under your steel-man, someone who is anxious-avoidant could appear very independent and therefore "strong" even though they are struggling inside.
If there's anything 60+ are starting to not have enough of is time. As you get older time is running out. Not free time - time in general, as in life expectancy.
Regular free time can be elusive too if you're still forced to work, which can be the case until your mid to late 60s, a common pension age globally or if your savings have been wiped out.
"Slow mornings, rest without guilt, calm and boring days" too are not just "escape from being busy", but also being away from all kinds of bad situations: war, social turmoil, family drama, spouse dying, and others, that are not just about not being busy with work. Being 60+ might help with being busy (if you're retiring), but not with those.
>The real luxury, for any age, in general, is in not having dependencies and needs. The need to impress someone, the need to know every ugly news from around globe, the need to read everything and be knowledgeable, need to stay connected, need to be smart, the need to travel and see places, need to taste foods from around the world, need to have many friends, need to be loved by someone, and need to have more money and things.
That's sort of true, but too much of that can also mean one is just a jaded, burnt out person who doesn't care about anything and has no joy anymore.
And since I have the space, maybe a sauna and cold plunge would be nice. You know, stretch goals.
Can't say I miss it. Prefer to just leave when I want, go where I want and stay there as long as I want. All while not enjoying other peoples music and smell or waiting at a platform for ages.
Which you can do with a good public transport system! You should not have to wait for a subway train for more than 5 minutes. Ideally no more than 1-2.
With private transport I can go anywhere on the continent whenever I want.
Edit: reply to flexagoon since I am rate limited:
Going around Europe on trains is a total pain. There is a reason almost nobody does that and use airplanes instead.
Perhaps they can make the comfort of trains comparable with airplanes, so more people use it.
I'm OK with allocating tax money for better public transport but I just don't see myself using it.
You can also go around the continent on trains. We should have more high speed rail.
Private transport is of course still hugely useful for many cases, but there are also many cases where it could easily be replaced for many people by a good transit system. And I'm not just talking about the US, which people usually give as an example of bad transit. EU's railway network should be much better.
It's 0:45 currently. I want to grab an ice cream at McDonalds. Next bus leaves at 1:25. It takes the bus 20 minutes to get there and then it is a 5 minute walk. It is also a 10 minute walk to the bus station in my neighborhood. And since it's past 22:00 there are probably a bunch of crazies on the bus. Also a high chance of puke and trash in the bus.
Why would I do that if I can grab my bike and it is only a 10 minute ride.
Of course they'll complain about work or money, and they assume that a Western salary buys me freedom. But they get to live through these luxuries on a daily basis. I'd be lucky to enjoy just one of these in any given week.
I think about that a lot because I have already hit that number easily, my family would definitely suffer though and not be into it.
Working on desire is a big thing.
This echoes with my (limited) understanding of Buddhism.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Noble_Truths#The_Four_Tru...
One thing you didn't mention is the need to feel useful in some way; would you consider that a weakness too? Is it covered by "rest without guilt"? It's the bit I still have some trouble with.
If you get sick and need care, you are typically not "useful". But that doesn't mean you instantly lose all value. I've had colleagues who would feel almost physically ill if they were somehow not able to respond to an incident somewhere, even if they weren't even on call at that point. Almost all of them burned out at some point and were no longer able to respond to anything, even if they'd wanted to. That's not healthy, and it weakens everyone in the long run.
Resting without guilt comes from the realization that you cannot keep the world running all by yourself. Let others pick up the work when you need a rest, so you can shelter them when they are down.
Once you get a partner, kids, elderly parents, pets, mortgage, etc. you won't be worrying about your needs anymore trust me.
Desires are what makes us human. I have kids and family and friends that love me and them in return but I don't believe that makes me weak. In fact it is the opposite, they give me the strength, confidence, and motivation to power through life.
I supoose not having any needs and desires would be an asset for a hitman.
As an example, there are places where people don't see electricity as an absolute necessity. Hours of outages everyday go mostly unnoticed. That's lack of strong dependency.
I know a couple, retired, who are constantly traveling to Europe and Japan. When they’re not traveling, they spend all their time reading or visiting with their kids and grandkids.
I often want to tell them: You fools! You’ll never find happiness if all you do is give in to these weaknesses!
Having dependencies or needs is one thing, having them managed for relative minimal impact on one's time might be another way to look at it for some.
Lacking those things is not a luxury. What is a luxury is time. Time is incredibly precious.
Keep in mind that it's not always a case of "shoot for the stars but hit the moon if you miss", sometimes it's "shoot for the stars and suffer crippling burnout for 20 years, after which it's too late to recover to anything meaningful".
Being realistic, for all it's boringness, does have advantages.
Lists like this look very different when you don't have money.
Don't read the above as if all rich people are trying to keep score in some way. A large majority of them are just trying to live their life. Even when it appears they're keeping score you typically discover they like the art and that's why they have it. they couldn't care less if you have more or less than them. They might be jealous if you own the particular original that they're looking for but they're not keeping score against you with it.
Which is good for me and probably the vast majority of those reading this because we have the ability to earn decent amount of money as an engineer and with some investment we can have a nice life and retirement but we will never be anywhere near the top of any attempt to keep score.
Oh this is from someone retired and rich ;). Most could retire if they owned and sold this 4 letter .com used for the blog.
The real luxury is the thing you haven't got but desperately need which is different for everyone.
I would add work with meaning and flow.
Also life with few... snags, all the issues that are small but extremely bothersome (knocking sound in a car, that one window that doesn't close fully, etc).
I love letting my mind 'play' with the computer, not work, play
And I love pickleball, going to the gym, and watching movies with my wife. My life has become really simple and I enjoy it the most. Yeah, peace of mind is at the top of the list at this age
At least here in the states, districts because they pay teachers shit, are getting pushback to add required meetings and learning on the end of the day. Instead there are “short days” for the kids.
It’s no longer an issue for me, but seriously annoying how little k-12 are actually in school these days.
It is a luxury to not have to worry about having enough of it.
https://www.astralcodexten.com/p/contra-pritchard-on-liberal...
The super rich aren't making more money because they think more money will buy them correspondingly more happiness. It's a game to them played at massive real-world scales.
My #3 is questionable, since work is stressful. It's my bad, I know better. Working on it.
Ah, I remember pre-parent life too.
Are they noticeable happier?
Would be nice to hear from someone who lived both sides of the pond for a long while.
- Good health
- A calling (something I can devote my life to)
I think getting either is good enough for me.
While they sound incredible to me, I can't help but ponder that the demographic with the highest suicide rate is retired men.
I've also spent the last 10 years of my life feeding my family with my tech skills which are primarily coding, debugging and improving observability and monitoring tools and processes.
This leads to mixed feelings of both:
- this is the most exciting time to be alive and I'm building a gas town
- this is the end of my career as I know it and I better pivot hard and fast
In other words, been a bit of an interesting last six months.
Ask someone younger and their top ten is completely different. Too many will dismiss that as naivete while not recognizing their own ignorance.
I choose: ability not to travel (commute).
The luxuries I am grateful for:
Sleeping in as much as I need
Working on something meaningful that pushes at the edge of my self actualization
Not ever having to worry about bills
The love from my partner
Having the ability to help others selflessly
The wisdom I have gained over the last 20 years of life
The incredible people around me
I am approaching 40 and in two weeks I will begin clowning lessons with a Cirque du Soleil clown. I am thrilled.
So why clown as a discipline? Something deeply misunderstood and that probably lowers my social status with people who don’t understand it? Something with zero career utility? Because to me it represents extreme vulnerability.
I’m a pretty dignified person. A lot of poise. Goofy, but restrained. If I can debase myself in front of an audience in order to win a laugh then I believe I can do anything.
If I can (figuratively) hang my ass out for all to see then I can move with confidence. If I can blow past my natural inclination to save face, or have the answers. If I can discard the emotional hangups that make me feel embarrassed then I can be the person who I (and I suspect a great number of us) want to be deep down.
I want to (constructively) tear down everything inside of me that restrains me and discover who I can really be.
Your example of clowning shows something that requires real work and, as you laid out, hopefully does wonders to improving confidence, humility, humor, and charm. I wish you the best with that! And happy early birthday. :)
I guess it depends on your temperament - I am very very high in industriousness and moderately high in curiosity, but the industriousness overrides the fragmentation of attention that normally comes with high curiosity individuals.
2 years ago my hobby project turned into a company, and now I run that, so for me I can find self actualisation through work, but I imagine if I was a different temperment, where work didn't overlap so much, it would be harder for that type of person.
That is a luxury not everyone gets even today.
When you have time, health and no stress - that is the luxury OP is talking about.
You don't even need to make more money if you have all those things. If you know your health is insured and you are healthy, you have a decent place where you can feel safe and sleep until late mornings and you do not have to worry about how much food costs - you basically live like a king.
Jobs will be a luxury soon, if they aren't already. Sure, dead-end jobs aren't a luxury, but they're basically life support - or rather to say existence support.
I live in a country with single-payer healthcare, which some Americans dream so much. If I don't have a job, I'm pretty much screwed - I won't have health insurance. I'm glad I'm healthy, not stupid and not lazy, but single-payer doesn't help that much with life luxuries as you think. To have a place to sleep and not have to worry you need a job - and unless you inherited that place you'll have to work hard for years without the luxuries the old chap talks about anyway. Those are just old man's useless ramblings. I'm sorry, but they are.