I've been trying to express to other people who have lost jobs that this is the positive side of it: Letting go of it all, thinking about who you really are and where you really want your life to go before making decisions on your next move. I'm trying to encourage people to take time to go through this process before just jumping straight into new efforts.
Like the article said, good ideas can sound bad, and bad ideas can sound good, so those of us who have the luxury of living in limbo for a while should take this as a golden opportunity to let all that shake out before committing to a new direction.
What happened later was also interesting. I rejoined the workforce, matched and then quickly surpassed the level I'd left, and did in part because I'd decided to be who I wanted to be instead of what I thought the role dictated I should be.
Interesting, considering that every company goes to great lengths to let everyone know they are easily replaceable and not needed.
That doesn't mean you can't be replaced.
Which is an interesting topic, but very different from just "quitting my job and going back to interviewing", which is its own thing. I need a stable job (so no startups for me), but I've come to dread interviewing. It's not lack of experience (either job or interviewing), I'm experienced -- and my experience tells me they are dreadful.
I might be unfair, but "quitting to start my own startup" to me reads like the person doing this is: financially in a good place, in order to take the plunge (or alternatively: no family and responsibilities), and also very confindent that they can find another job if their startup doesn't pan out. This immediately puts them in the minority of engineers worldwide.
Do I want to leave now? Sure, but the amount of effort and motivation required is insurmountable. At least, for me. I've never been a type-A kind of person, and I sometimes envy those that are. I just wish "career trajectory" and fancy titles actually meant something to me, but I couldn't care less. I found no glory in this field, but rather ways to placate one's ego.
I did not quit to start a company, but the sense of multiple plunges does resonate.
From my perspective:
- It's very hard to detach yourself from stable (and growing) personal finances
- The comparison aspect is always there, you just need to learn to manage it
- The most rewarding bit was re-adjusting my metric of what's sufficient/enough in life
- I was not familiar with that video, but, indeed, I did learn to ask myself "would you rather be doing something else?" and the answer was no
- I learned to dream again
- As soon as I pulled the trigger on the decision I was flooded by a sense of insecurity even if I was really certain of it
I wrote stuff about it at the time but never published it.
This means that I have a "sabbatical" year ahead of me if I want to. I'm planning on 2 months before working again and in the meantime I'm learning Rust (coming from Typescript), although I don't think I'll land a job for it.
What's the most frightening are:
- the personal finances (I've got a house to pay!)
- I'll need to calm down on my hobbies
- the comparisons with other developers
- will I find a job? I may be lurking /r/recruitinghell to much...
I've been working for 10 years in the industry already but there's always doubt. Should I continue programming? TBH I don't see myself doing something else and I'd miss WFH too much.
Ahhhh...
Looking around the internet, I see sources ranging from 20-60% of divorces being caused at least partly by financial issues, and that makes sense, to be poor is to be stressed, and to be unemployed is to be stressed, and to be stressed is to fight, but that doesn't provide strong evidence for a "they are locking them down to force them to work so I can live in luxury" narrative.
I really struggle with believing it as being a widespread phenomena.
There are claims made by divorced people. Sometimes is not any exact percentage. The peer reviewed studies have conclusions like "the results [ of studying post earnings loss divorce ] are, however, consistent with role theories, in which the husband’s attractiveness declines if he fails to fulfill a traditional role as a breadwinner."
What would be hard to believe is that people _dont_ sometimes use the courts to lock into income streams they are loosing. That borders on extraordinarily improbable.
Sure, there are certainly marriages for financial convenience, but you presented this like a widespread phenomena, so much so that you felt like you wanted to warn people about it.
You said so yourself, it's well documented that spouses divorce because of a change in finances and you could provide the evidence yourself of that, but, to my knowledge, not well documented that it's a common reason that spouses divorce because they want to force the unemployed high earning spouse into miserable work.
I'm not looking for a direct scientific study, but it would be nice if you could provide some sort of news article or the like about this phenomena. I'm sorry that I didn't just uncritically accept your anecdote as being true.
I'm not expecting a Cambridge study, but I was hoping you had some sort of news article or something rising above an anecdote in a forum about how some guy's wife forced him back into his job. You seems to feel you should warn people about in this forum, so you believe that it happens at a rate such that it could happen to any of us. So in that case, "common" seems less "strawman", and more "correct usage". You don't have it, that's fine, but if that's the case, why do you believe it?
Finance linked divorce is common, support is common, and throwing people in a tiny cage for not coming up with a fraction of imputed income sometimes happens. We can squabble over why it happens, but when you are locked in a cage after taking a lower stress job the reason may not matter, and the fact I could be wrong about motivations will not get these people out of jail.
Wow.
It's weird. It's like telling random strangers, who you know nothing about, that they might get cancer. Is it true? Sure, cancer happens, sometimes. But it's weird to remind people about it unsolicited.
Me - I quit being a permanent employee decades ago, and only do consulting contract engagements - no regrets. (Admittedly - I am in a country where my basic healthcare needs are provided - and I can purchase reasonable coverage for things that are not)
I then moved to Canada, consulted for a couple years with legacy American companies and then got enticed to take an executive gig at a Canadian "start-up" (that basically turned in to a consultancy). 8.5 years of that and I was pretty unfulfilled and very stressed.
So I went back to consulting. I will say that Canadian health care made that decision easier, but in 2022 I started my move back to the US.
Still consulting, but for sure, that health insurance bill makes me take projects that remind me of why I left the executive gig.
That said, I've never wanted to fully "retire". I like the work, I just don't like the unreasonable parameters most engagements have, and I'm hoping that in a couple years (when mortgage and some other expenses are over) that I can go back to maintaining healthy boundaries with clients and work.
Because, I do like the work. I just don't like the grinding.
-s
Let me know if you're wondering about any topics in particular and I can dig up the right week's links.
But it seems super scary and I struggle to find any information on how to even sell stuff. So at the end I just convince myself once more how great I have it with my stable income.
I have a couple of newsletters about selling, of which this is probably my favorite: https://michaeldrogalis.substack.com/p/week-13-what-i-learne...
Happy to answer any other questions that come to mind.
On one hand, when I used to treat my side project as, well, a side project, alongside my job, I barely had any progress. There is always this voice inside of your head that whispers “well, maybe it’s not that bad to be an employee forever, the money is definitely good”. In addition to that, if you want to have any social life, and avoid health issues, the amount of time you can dedicate to your side project is limited.
In six months of unemployment I achieved more for my business that in years of “side projecting”.
Having said that, there seems to be an aura around “quitting my job and working on my business” mentality. For many it seems like the only reasonable option. But nobody is talking about the other side of it: you need money to live; your product might suck; and after you finished building, you suddenly need to do marketing and I ain’t ready for this shit!
So to each their own I guess. :shrug:
There's also the part of me that knows even if I do quit, I'm immediatly going to be thinking about a second project, because what if the first one fails, what if someone comes along with a better product and takes my customers, etc.
It puts you into a state of permanent worry and decision paralasys, not knowing what to focus on, if its a waste of time, if its going to be enough, etc.
For most of us, sure we can build something - that's totally meaningless though if you cant get people to use it, and despite what everyone likes to say that right there is the bit thats near impossible for most.
Have been following your journey and hope you are successful on it. At least in term of a software developer I'm sure you are best class :-)
Taking the plunge is very difficult, hope you at the end feel like it was really worth it. "Your friends making more than you" isn't a really big deal if you feel that despite this, you are still more satisfied than working in a day job.
I do work in a day job and don't even make that much, but also lack the courage to run my business, as you've seen, even being a great and outstanding software engineer like you still (and smart overall) will still have no assurance of success.
Given that life will eventually end no matter if you have money or not, what matters is living life to the fullest and scratching those itches & desires before we're too old, sick and tired to be able to those things. Just like you did.